#im not even gonna ramble about the rest of the shit wrong with me to be hoenst no one needs to hear it

[toxifoxx]

throwing up facing the reality that i will probably look like this forever

[dadsdog]

Kinda vague prompt but can you do some of your ur usual shit but like. In a truck. Like one with a bench seat. I like pretty much all the shit u post about. Js... truck. In a truck.

as an avid truck sex enjoyer, this is awesome ty :] this one's not very forcemasc-y but it's VERY dad/son fauxcest-y

while i'm all for dad/son incest fantasies, i can't stop thinking about a teenage boy, who opens up to an older man (maybe a family friend, a friend's father) about his relationship with his dad. how he was never there, how he never supported his son when he needed it most. the older man comforts him, wraps him up in a tight hug. "hey... you're gonna be okay bud." the boy sniffles and looks up at him, still clinging to him desperately, "thank you. im sorry for dumping all of this on you." he shakes his head. "don't say that kiddo, there's no need to be sorry. i'm happy to listen. just say the word and i'm there."

he starts spending less time at home, and more time with this older guy. he takes the boy to get food, shows him all his old interests, let's him ramble on for hours about one thing or another. and if the boy's father did anything that upset him, he would always be there to listen.

this kid finds himself thinking about him all the time. how wonderful he is, how patient and kind. he wonders what it would ve been like for him to be his dad instead. he thinks about how he smiles at him when he speaks, how handsome he is. he thinks about how whenever they re going out somewhere, he always rests his hand on the nape of the boy's neck. his hands are big and calloused, but so gentle. he wonders why he gets so excited when he touches him. wonders how his hands would feel cupping his chin or petting his hair.

"i wish you were my dad." the boy confesses to him, on a late night drive. he looks down, finds his hand gripping the truck's bench seat. the older man has gone strangely quiet. looking over at him, the boy tilts his head. "what's wrong?" the man feels his knuckles whiten on the steering wheel. "you shouldn't say stuff like that, kiddo." "why not? you might as well already be my dad, you're the one actually looking out for me."

the man pulls over jerkily, stopping in a forgotten, tree lined road. he exhales heavily, hands still clenched. "hey, what's wrong? did i do something?" he's never this quiet. the kid slides closer to him, and hears him inhale sharply, like the older man had just been burned. "are you ok? what did i do? i promise i wont do it again. please, just tell me whats wrong." he lays a hand onto the older man's knee.

suddenly, the man has the boy by the shoulders, gripping him tightly and pushing him away. he gasps, clearly spooked by the roughness of his touch. "i'm sorry, kiddo. you didn't do anything wrong. it's me." his hands loosen their grip ever so slightly, he starts to rub comforting circles up and down the boy's arm. "you can't say stuff like that." the boy tilts his head. "why?"

he had no idea what to say. because i've wanted to fuck you ever since you first cried into my shirt. because the idea of having you as my son gets me so hard i can't think. because i don't know how long i can have you in my car without losing control and taking advantage of you.

"because i..." he stares down into the boy's eyes.

"you just shouldn't." he starts to break away from the touch, but the kid moves to hold his hand, pouting up at him. "but i really do think of you like that. i think of you as my dad." he inhales sharply again, feeling his cock throb in his jeans. he tightens his jaw and his mind strains with the effort of not grabbing the kid and rutting his cock into him through their clothes.

the kid looks up at him, creeping even closer.

"i love you, dad."

the final shred of self control left in the man is shattered into nothing. he grabs the boy by his waist roughly, and puts his other hand in his hair. he brings their lips together in a sloppy, clumsy, hungry kiss. the boy's eyes go wide and his mouth falls open as he lets out a cry of surprise. this only allows the man to slip his tongue into his mouth.

"wait- mmh!" the boy is pulled roughly onto the man's lap, where he can feel the hard cock pressing up into him. the older man finally pulls away from the kiss and holds the boy's head on his shoulder. "fuck- 'm sorry. love you. god, you're such a good kid. fuck."

he's grinding into the boy's pussy, hissing his apologies into his ear. he can feel the boy take fistfuls of his shirt, gasping and shaking. "wait-what are you doing, please-" "shh. it's okay. you're okay. fuck, i'm sorry- just let me-" his hands grab hold of his hips, pushing the kids small body against his, listening to his shocked moans. the boy is too stunned to say anything, to ask what he's doing, why it makes him all wet down there, why it makes him feel so good. "mnh. shit. im sorry, have to have you- doing so good, champ-nnhgh." he feels the boy lift his head to look him in the eyes. tears are dripping down his cheeks, but his face is twisted in pleasure. his cock throbs so hard the kid can feel his pulse through his jeans.

"feels- nnh! it feels- weird, dad. nmh! dad!" he can't stop himself from slamming the boy's hips down onto his cock. "call me dad. fuck. do it again, son. nngh- say i'm your dad." the boy's thighs shake on his lap. "dad. nngh- you're my dad. mngh! ah! dad- please don't stop- hhnm" the kid feels warmth spreading through his body, and pooling in his stomach. the friction and the rubbing and the hands on his hips are all too much. he feels a pressure building, making his cries for dad even louder.

"ah! nmh! dad, m-my- it feels- nngh! oh god, dad. oh god oh god oh god dad." he feels the kids thrust his hips back and forth on dad's cock, chasing that fuzzy warm feeling in his tummy. "ngh- shit. such a good boy. c'mon son- fuck. gonna make me cum. gonna make your dad cum. nnnh, fuck!"

"dad, dad, dad! nnh! my- it's gonna- oh god daddy! daddy!" the boy doesn't know what's happening. his boxers are soaked through and his head is fuzzy and the pressure in his tummy is too much. he grinds his pussy into his dad's lap hard, in a long downward motion, that finally lets the pressure release.

his dad watches as he quivers, cumming on his lap, completely overwhelmed by the shock of his own orgasm. he watches his boy moaning and crying for him, and feeling his orgasm build, he grabs his hips and presses him down onto his cock, thrusting upwards and cumming in his jeans for his little boy.

the kid collapses into him, panting and shaking, occasionally twitching with aftershocks of his orgasm. the man, huffing and sweaty, embraces him, placing soft kisses on his head. they sit like that in his truck for a long few minutes, catching their breath, before his boy looks up at him.

"i love you, dad."

[murdrdocs]

i think the first time you and joquin hook up, you're giggling. your face and ears are flushed, and you're giggling bc you can't believe this is actually happening. you're trying to make jokes about the situation you've gotten yourself into to ignore how you're starting to sweat bc doing this with him is actually a big deal for you. then you lock eyes and joaquin's not laughing. in fact, you don't think you've ever seen him so quiet. his eyes are roaming all over your face, drinking you in (is that the right phrase?) and you can see the redness on his cheeks and creeping up his neck. he tells you to cut that shit out and that's when you know this is just as serious for him as it is for you.

GOD i wish he was real😣

i can see this so vividly im gonna throw the fuck up.

he's sitting at the top of the bed, back lazily pressed against the stack of skewed pillows. he's almost completely naked, only one layer—the most important layer, keeping him from revealing everything to you. in no time, though, joaquín's boxers will slide off of his hips and join the pile of clothes on the floor, just as your bra and panties will, too.

you're working on that now, forearms wrapped around your back as you fumble for the clasp on your bra. it's taking you too long, even though it shouldn't. but you're nervous. you are so incredibly nervous and by trying not to show it, you're letting it show. hands shaking and fumbling, giggles coming from your lips, eyes avoiding contact.

you're so in your own world that you haven't even realized that joaquín is inviting you into his. not until he leans forward and places a hand on your bicep. just that one touch stops you.

"do you want me to...?"

your first instinct is to say no, but it would be foolish to do so. you're obviously struggling, why not just accept help? you nod and let your arms fall.

joaquín reaches around your back and places both hands on the clasp of your bra. he's close to you like this, not as close as when the two of you were kissing just minutes before this. but somehow this feels more intimate than before. sharing his air—lips hovering, his eyes staring at the bridge of your nose and, likely, your cleavage, your eyes finally just looking at the tan and clear skin of his face.

he's so pretty.

your bra is undone and you let it fall from your arms. joaquín does help a bit; he pulls the piece of material off of your arms and tosses it to the side of the bed. and then he just stares.

you're still feeling giggly, laughter is bubbling under your skin, and to try and avoid it you lean forward, cocking your head to the side enough to slot your nose with his. he kisses you back with lingering pecks. once, twice, and as you go in for a third he whispers against your lips, "hold on, hold on."

you're pulling back, eyebrows furrowed, wondering what could be wrong. "is something—?"

he shakes his head, big hands coming up to rest on your hips. "no. 's okay. just wanna look at you for a sec."

immediately, you're grinning, playfully punching his shoulder with not even an ounce of your weight or real intention behind it. you're giggling as you chastise him, jokingly telling him to hurry up and other things through a ramble.

he humors you for a second, lips splitting into a grin that always blinds you initially, but then he licks his lips and his smile drops to make room for an expression that's just a little more serious.

"no, no, no. let me just look at you. c'mon, be serious for a second. just sit there and look pretty. you've always been good at that."

and then your brain is spinning and you can't do anything but listen to him. sitting on your heels, tits out, letting joaquín stare at you. and yeah, his gaze is lustful, of course it is. but it's appreciative. he's admiring you, not for what you have, but for who you are.

as soon as he gives you the go ahead, you're climbing onto his lap and kissing him stupid.

[activesplooger]

ʜɪꜱ ɴᴇᴡ ᴏʙꜱᴇꜱꜱɪᴏɴ | ʏᴀɴᴅᴇʀᴇ!ᴠᴏx x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ | Blurb/me rambling about idfk

cw: talk of non-con, hypnotism, manipulation

MDNI

__

hi ok so idk if ygs saw the agenda or not but part 2 of this is 3rd on my list of to-dos!

the projects before hand are pretty bigs ones tbh so its gonna be a bit

im making this post to sort of feed the yandere vox fans since some people were aksing ab it

so yeah

i often think about what would've happened if reader hadn't accepted vox's little financially stablility + protection deal (↓ excerpt from HNO)

"C'mon, don't try to deny how enticing life with me would be," he explains in a low voice, "I'd take care of you, you wouldn't have to worry about work or money ever again.". He circles around behind you, soft hand massaging your shoulders as he speaks into your ear, "You wouldn't have to live in that crappy apartment anymore. No more worrying about rent, food, anything. It'd all be taken care of.". You turn your head and meet his gaze, your expression unconvinced. He scowls at your expression, red rings appearing in his eye in a pattern. Shit, he's trying to hypnotize you. You have to fight it.

"You will be mine. Your role here at VoxTech has changed, alright?" he commands, the once repulsive idea now sounding strangely enticing. You close your eyes and shake your head, "No! Stop, you can't manipulate me like this.". He scoffs, tired of hearing your rejections, "Oh, be serious! Do you really wanna live out the rest of your afterlife being nothing? Face it, without me, you can't get out of the dull life you have.". As much as you wanted to yell at him, tell him he was wrong, you didn't... You hated yourself for even considering his deal. On one hand, you'd be with someone unfathomably unstable... on the other, you'd be financially stable for the first time in your life... you'd be protected and loved, something you've never had. "...Fine," you hesitantly agree."

for a little background, life for reader hasn't been easy. they live paycheck to paycheck trying to make a living for themselves but they weren't interested in being an overlord and its pretty hard to climb the latter to success in hell. they live in a shitty apartment, which is livable 'till the exterminations.

in pt 2 im gonna write a bit about the exterminations and how readers financial instability led her to this unfathomable "relationship" with Vox (maybe idfk guys jioewu4fkbj).

vox reallllyyy manipulated reader into being with him. keep in mind, he had observed her for a while non-stop, he knew that readers living situation was a sorce of insecurity in their life and knew exactly how to use that against them. most of the things that vox does are meticulously planned to get what he wants in one way or another.

if reader hadn't accepted his deal, oh he fs would've force-hypnotized them into being with him.

i had a whole scenario written out where that happened actually, but i thought it wouldve been more interesting if Vox had manipulated reader to show off the power dynamics between the two. yeah reader thinks vox is fucking crazy but what were they supposed to do? Vox could easily get them to do whatever he wants anyways, hence the non-con that would have occurred.

i got a wee bit sick to my stomach writing out that sequence and how gut-wrenching reader felt afterward so i scrapped it bc omg i wanted to barf ajwhdajd.

anywayssss

guys if u have ideas for this lil mini series please collaborate w me becauseeee idk what im doing LMAO. any ideas for part 2 are greatly appreciated and im happy to hear your guys' thoughts and theories.

ok bye

[shimshamshimsham]

had an idea of 13 yr old dave meeting his meat and candy selves, heres what i wrote for that (may or may not do the rest of the beta kids ltr)

DAVE: ... DAVE: ... DAVEBOT: ... DAVE: ok what the fuck DAVEBOT: what DAVE: dawg what do you mean what youre a full ass titanium tank DAVE: walking around like T-800 in Terminator 1 shooting up your targets like “beep boop eat my alloy ass” DAVE: or wait maybe youre like how he was in the second movie defending that one kid with the fucked up haircut DAVE: idk take your pick DAVEBOT: depends on the day tbh DAVE: damn okay thats kinda fucked up DAVEBOT: why whats wrong with it DAVE: well no its not like a bad thing DAVE: like actually the opposite thats categorically fucking awesome DAVE: its just kinda insane DAVE: like DAVE: how did this happen dude DAVEBOT: i could explain it but its kinda a long story DAVEBOT: you better be prepared to sit our choice ass down and listen to a fuckin heap of a strider ramble for this one dude DAVE: oh im one hundo percent down to hear the full davebot-ification saga like im listenin to the tales of old but instead of old they’re like new cuz they happen in the future or whatever DAVE: first though DAVE: whats your deal DAVE: huh DAVE: well youre both like different future versions of me right like what happened in your timeline or whatever DAVE: oh uh DAVE: not much tbh DAVE: not as interesting as mr ethereal brobot over there im just kinda chilling in space after losing an election with my- DAVE: … DAVE: uh DAVE: yeah anyway im just doofing around heading after our mutual bro DAVEBOT: are you gonna tell him the thing DAVE: what thing DAVE: youre saying that like theres some kinda big fuckin topic im tip-toeing around like its some stinky ass cheese and im a 12 year old greg heffley DAVEBOT: the karkat thing DAVE: oh absolutely not DAVE: dont even say his name im not talking about this DAVE: ??? DAVEBOT: you gotta talk about it man DAVE: no i like absolutely dont DAVE: could you imagine being 13 year old us hearing that shit im not gonna fucking tell him DAVE: if you want him to know so bad why dont you tell him yourself DAVEBOT: i never said i was- DAVE: dont pull that shit bro you absolutely are DAVE: even if you dont think you are personally you got all those alternate dave brains bouncing around your metal dome and theres absolutely no fuckin way none of those handsome bastards have thought about stapling a singular bright pink triangle to their lobe DAVE: what are you talking about DAVEBOT: hes gay DAVE: WHAT THE FUCK DAVE: WHAT THE FUCK

[virginiaisforvampires]

ok..im back from my journey into Prince Lestat.

let me tell ya, i fell asleep reading and was startled out of my sleep by a dream that Armand was gently caressing my lips and said " The truth of your heart comes from your lips"

like whaaaaa?!!

I freaked smooth the heck out. So anyway this was at 3am and since i was up figured i would finish the book..

so 6:34am im finished and (sorry, this is long)

so I dont know who Roses real mom is...did i miss that in an earlier book i skipped?

I loved that it was Louis that saved her.

so we got Dr Bhansali (show-wise)wish we had also gotten Seth. I love the fact that he just flies him around.

I love Rose and Viktor but i wonder since when they were turning her and her mind was so messed from all her trauma( that baby went through so much) is that going to stick with her or is she going to be okay?

Antoine is my favorite character out of the whole book. His story arc almost brought me to tears. How he had so much misfortune and finally resolved to go to Trinity Gate and hoped they wouldn't kill him and then playing his heart out and them embracing him as one of their own. I had a lump in my throat.

I read somewhere someone saying something like Show!Antoinette was a parallel of Antoine and i kinda see it but then i kinda dont see that. Maybe its because i love book him and couldnt stand show her.

Loved the Trinity Gate dynamics. I had to shake off my feelings for Show!Armand to get into it though. I lowkey like book! Armand cause he is such a quiet bad ass and commands attention even though he looks so young.

I dont think i saw any interaction at all between Armand and Marius and its interesting to me that Marius ended up with Daniel. So was DM the whole story of Daniel and Armand?? That little section was it?? With all the memes and posts i thought their love story spanned the rest of the books

Dammit Rosh and Benedict..why do i have a feeling he is not done causing problems? And what did he do to Everard cause he hates his guts!? is that in another book?

I really didnt expect that Rosh was going to listen to the voice and kill Maharet and Khayman, that was a surprise. I thought Lestat was going to have to do it. I was on the fence about Rosh's character and was like "well damn" when he went to the Amazon instead of NY.

Also Cyril at the end of the book. That confused me... was Amel speaking to him and also inhabiting Lestat? Does that mean this isnt over yet? Also I thought Cyril was Teskhamen and the founder of the Talamasca?

Is Lestat ever going to have any resolution with Magnus?

Not a whole lot of Loustat but the moment at the end was beautiful but why did Louis almost get killed at the end..seemed random but like maybe not.

Oh, favorite scene besides Antoine is Lestat walking across that table and chopping off Rosh's hand and arm. I can SOOOO see Sam Reid eating that shit up on screen! It has got to happen.

final thoughts, man i can see why people are so in love with Lestat. I am in love with desperately in love with Lestat more than before. Whats crazy is that there were so many sections and characters that i thought i would get lost but everything was so interesting that all of these characters stuck with me until the end.

oh and about the show, correct me if I am wrong but Amel didnt start talking to Lestat until after the spirit was taken in by Mekare right? And this was all after QOTD. So they are going to have to rewrite history if they are going use Amel as the reason for S1x05.

This book alone can be a whole season by itself. i need this show to stick around Greys Anatomy style.. like 21 seasons. Hell, they have the material!

Gonna read Realms of Atlantis today...since i am already on this journey may as well finish and I am anxious to see how all this ends and i bet some of the questions i have might get answered in this book.

Thanks for reading my ramble. that was quiet a ride indeed!

oh tagging @nalyra-dreaming since she was interested in my thoughts when i was done.

I’m gonna try to cover what I can, because most of these questions are answered in PLATROA. 😁

So first of all, Rose’s mother was Morningstar Fisher, and she died when Lestat rescued Rose from the earthquake. She’s not really important to the story other than her parents disowned her, and that’s why they also didn’t want Rose, and that’s how Lestat ends up legally adopting her as his own.

And yes, I love that Louis becomes her parent too and takes care of her when Lestat is unavailable. It really says so much in that Louis is the only one Lestat trusts with Rose, and Louis is the one they contact when they can’t reach Lestat. It’s also telling that Louis knows about Rose and knows what she means to Lestat.

We’ll see what the show does with it, but they’re already paralleling Claudia with Rose in that Louis saved Claudia from a fire just like he does for Rose. I think the show will really bring out what Anne was doing with Rose (and Viktor) in that their little family unit has always been the heart.

And yes, once Lestat steps in to complete her turning and metaphorically “kills” Gardener in her trauma flashbacks, she’s okay after that.

Antoine? He is the book equivalent to Antoinette, and I could be wrong, but I think there will eventually be more to Antoinette’s story, because all of that was framed in a very specific light, and it wasn’t the truth of the matter at all. Just like Antoine was framed as a villain in the first book as well.

That one chapter in QOTD was the only detailed account of Armand and Daniel, but there are some mentions coming up, and that one specific mention is why Devil’s Minion is considered endgame. 😉

Rhosh and Benedict play big parts in the last two books and especially in the last one.

Amel is also not over yet either. He plays a big part in PLATROA, but yeah. You see now how Rolin and Hannah are thinking in that the “possession” from Amel causes the blackout rages of bloodlust. Amel is the spirit who fused with Akasha and since Akasha picks Lestat due to him being the “prefect example of toxic masculinity”, even though she grossly misjudged him…..*gestures vaguely* I see now what they’re trying to do, but it remains to be seen if they can actually pull it off.

I’m sooooooo happy you loved the table scene, because it’s legit one of my top Lestat moments. It’s right up there with the wolves for me, because I was SCREAMING the first time I read it. It’s sooooooo Lestat! 😭♥️🙌🏽

And yeah, you have no idea how utterly gleeful it makes me to hear someone come away from these books saying “yes I get why everyone loves Lestat.” That man is my babydoll forever and always, and I would go to war for him. ♥️♥️♥️

Indeed, I also hope we get all the seasons needed to get to the Prince Lestat era!

[prodshima]

love languages (two) 𖤐

warnings: signs of mental instability (?), idk but that's about it, it's all just fluff <3 tell me if i missed anything :)

characters: kuroo & hajime

notes: in honor of me turning seventeen today, here is the part two of love languages! <3 i hope im not too rusty crusty haha :D!

-> click here for: [ part one ]

kuroo tetsuro - acts of service

kuroo tetsuro is a man who never fails to reach the book men level of standard.

you think that maybe he’s not actually real and some kind of illusion, because how could be a man be so perfect?

well, apparently he is and you must’ve saved multiple planets because for whatever reason— he’s your boyfriend in this universe.

—

“baby? i brought you your favorite coffee and some pastries” the said man says as he pushes the bedroom door open

you quickly turn around to the sweet voice of your boyfriend, he’s wearing the biggest grin on his face that reciprocates yours while holding up your favorite coffee in his hand and bread on the other

just like a child when they’re given their favorite stash of candy.

“matcha latte?” you scramble away from your where you’re sat in to where he is, kicking away the scattered tissue boxes and paper bags

kuroo chuckles, pecking your forehead lightly “mhm, you got it, baby. you feeling better now?”

you nod, “uh uh, i’m doing okay now, just doing my physics assignments to catch up for tomorrow and i still have some cleaning to do… i think im gonna get sick again if i don’t”

sounds of laughter fills up the room as the both of you glance around the room, looking at each other again with a scrunch

“i’ll help you clean up and don’t overwork yourself, okay? don’t wanna see my baby getting sick again” kuroo laughs as he pinches your cheek before moving to sit on your bed, reaching into his bag

“oh and here’s your physics and maths notes, baby, i figured i could use my vacants to attend a couple of your missed classes” sounds of rustling follows as he hands you neatly highlighted papers

your mouth drops open in shock

just the thought that your boyfriend chose to spend his free time writing notes for his sick partner and listened to professors ramble for god knows how long instead of enjoying his once-in-a-lifetime rest hours

kuroo knows how much you struggle with these classes, not to mention that you’ve missed a couple days because of how sick you got.

“god, you didn’t have to do all that but thank you so much, tetsu, i love you a lot” you snake your hands around his neck to pull him down, kissing his lips

“well i got my reward, didn’t i?”

he smirks

sneaky little shit.

iwaizumi hajime - words of affirmation

it’s one of those days again.

those days where your ugly thoughts are winning over you and swallowing you whole, leaving you in a state of insecurity about yourself and your relationship with other people

it’s crazy how doubt can take over those positive thoughts you’ve tried to build over the months, only for it to be ruined by some evil monster inside your head that’s so against seeing you happy— there’s only so much you can do and you hate to think that it has succeeded.

but then iwaizumi hajime is always there to protect you.

he becomes your personal shield from all those monsters with just his words, his words that have seems to always save you from getting those thoughts into your head

-

“darling, is there something wrong?” hajime asks, his hand coming up to caress your cheek, worry evident on his face

how come he always knows even when you don’t say anything?

you wonder how, when it’s actually the silence that concerns him, he knows that you love making small talks with him just as he loves hearing your voice when you ramble about your day

it has become a part of your routine at this point, whether it's about your annoying professors, how you almost tripped over something, and even just about a cute dog you saw for two seconds on the street

and he's also powerhouse setter for god's sake, he's always perceptive and is quick when it comes to body languages and whatever happens around him

“it’s nothing, haj, i'm fine. just a little bit tired from school.” you whisper as you tiptoe to give him a kiss but instead, a gasp is forced out of you as he carries you bridal style into to the bedroom

hajime kicks through the door, still rubbing circles on your leg. he knows you're not feeling good and just don't wanna be a "hindrance", but to him, nothing and no one is more important than you

and you know this, but those ugly thoughts just disagrees and wants you to be miserable about every little thing. you hate that no matter what you do, they still manage push their way in and ruin your day

hajimes kisses your forehead and the tip of your nose lightly, "i don't wanna force you to talk about it if you're not ready just yet but remember that i'm all ears, okay? i love you so much, baby, you're perfect for me, always and whatever's bothering you is our problem, mhm?"

he must be an angel— you think, he's always patient with you and doesn't belittle you for having your moments of weaknesses that he says is a disguise of strength and that you being there with him despite everything makes you one of the bravest people out there

perhaps, he is — and you're one lucky person to be able to call him yours.

[hawkeye221b]

Hi, im going to ramble about my oldest, most special of interests and its going to be long so i'll be hiding it under a cut but just know i have been enabled by internet strangers and the fact that tumblr (to my knowledge) does not have a word limit. and if it does, i will be finding it.

So i'll try to organize the ramblings?? maybe?? we'll see how organized it is but honestly i just want to talk about Phantom of the Opera.

------------------

So to start my ramblings i will be talking about the musical and book; mostly because i think about the differences almost all the time (it is my roman empire)

For example; to my understanding there are those who don't like the book because they think it says she's 15 which.. isn't true. it came from the line of 'she was as pure as that of a 15 yr old' but if she was that old during the events of the book, then the childhood friendship with Raoul would be impossible since he'd be 5 yrs older than her- an 10yr old and a 5 yr old basically if the 15 thing was right.

Another example is the shifting roles.. if memory serves me right, Madame Giry didn't have much of an impactful or big role in the book, but the musical pretty much just cut out the Daroga and split his roles between her and the music box. and even then it changes- in the 2005 movie version, there;s the flashback to show madame Giry as a little girl, helping the Phantom (my mans Erik) escape- but in the 25th anniversary recording, she says that he vanished (presumably without her help)

(Complete side note but why did we even have Daroga erasure in the musical?? justice for the man who put up with Erik's shit for so long..)

------------------- Another thing i wanna kinda ramble on is how Erik is almost always being exploited or used and its fascinating to analyze cause like.. i mean:

he was born with a deformity; he was shunned for it and cast aside and mocked openly

but he was a prodigy. mastermind in many different ways

and yet people took advantage of him- of his desperation as he grew cause no one wanted to be near or associated with what they considered a freak

they benefited and he was used because what else was there for him?

in the 2005 edition he kills because he was pushed to it!! to protect himself!! he was a child then!! a child shown as a freak and abused for people to laugh at!! ofc he was gonna snap! and since no one taught him right and wrong ofc he'd fall back on that defense mechanism whenever he wanted or needed something. its the safest thing he has!!

and in the other variations, its still similar. iirc he was highly under paid and unaccredited for his work. cause no one wanted to admit he was behind the success they benefited from.

and then he finds an orphan girl, come to live in the opera house. a soul broken as he was. and she longs for guidance, and he longs to teach someone. so they find solace in one another.

in my mind they both have delusions and dissonance with one another. he mistakes her friendship for love because no one told him the difference. and she mistakes him as the ghost of her father. its unhealthy yeah but they're both unhealthy people.

and then Raoul comes into her life once more. a reminder of the good in her childhood and the phantom panics cause hes about to lose something he hasn't had before. so he begins to lash out because he doesn't know better

and then.. and then!! because she goes to Raoul, its a betrayal all over again

even if she doesn't mean it the way he sees, she's still benefiting from his work. benefiting from his time in teaching her without credit. without praise or recognition.

in leaving him behind, she's become like the rest of them in his eyes- exploiting him for his talents while rejecting him for how he looks

Honestly i have more thoughts but i think this is really long already and the brain is wanting to over brain so like.. yeah. i love this story and i want to blorb about it all the damn time this is my roman empire

[nekrosmos]

*burst into your room through your window* hi- *coughs glass shards out* I am here to say MANY things, positive things about your fic you wrote, but honestly it's more like my live reaction and my fav parts of the fic, it's gonna be long!!!! I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND READING ME YAP!!!

First of all, ∞/10, this is your first fic??? IT'S SO GOOD!! you got the atmosphere the vulnerability the softness the banter AND the good ol smut down, I love it, it was like I was joining them in the fishing trip because of how nice the visual was

ok from here on out it's all about my fav parts of the fic HEHE

the two had aged together is!!!!!!so!!!!!!!!freaking!!!!!!sWEET!!!!!they've been through it all together for the longest time!!!!!!

something about this just makes me change the way Im looking at Price, like..."he just love her" is such a deceivingly simple line but it holds so much weight. He may have "love" him but it was never a full attachment, rather just...embracing the love he was offered. He loved her because he could, not because of...everything el1se that matters. At least that's how I see it and GOD it hurts so good

ah hem AKSJDHAKS how did Nik not choke on air for that- anyways

Im getting my pitchfork for that CO (even tho the bastard is not around anymore) and the way Nik also got him?! *wails*

"there had been a lifetime of missed opportunities between the two" IS SUCH A GOOOOODDD LINEEEE GRRGGR YOUR BRAIN!!

🥺something about them giggling and being themselves just GRIPS MY HEART!!!!

it's the fact that the "friend" turned to "love" that got me feral I was SOOOO KASJHDKADJ hAPPY for em

chef au....

Nik the mAN YOU ARE!!! THE REST I COULD LIVE WITH!!!!GRRR!!! SUCH GOOD LINE!!! HIS NIK!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was walking when I read this part and basically fist the air in victory KASJHDKAJH also I love the train of thought here for Price...it's such a him thing to overthink

there is nothing wrong with that - URGH RIP MY HEART OUT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!

again, another great line, frame this and smack it to my forehead because yes, that is Nik

I really really like in between the spicy scenes there are goofy scenes because...my god it just make everything lighter and more...how to say? real. In the moment and all, yk, it's so nice reading them laughing and stuff. But also this line "their romantic relationship wasn't born today, but weeks ago" again, chef kiss

very long ramble and Im surprised im allowed to type this much into an ask (ah heck it could get cut for all I know but) just know this fic was a lifesaver during my lunch break, had an extremely hard day and this helped a bunch.

Im looking forward to see your future fics if you do write them!!

Okay I'm officially smiling like an idiot and I think I'm gonna have to reread your ask many, many times because HOLY SHIT you just made me so unbelievably happy ​😭​😭​❤️​❤️​❤️​

It was my first fic with them !! I've been writing for a long time, switched to english a few years ago and have been writing casually ever since ,,,, But this was the longest fic I've ever posted and it was a nice challenge honestly !!

Also the way you pointed out some of your favorite scenes jdvlskjd,vpùidjvbpvj I'm losing my mind, I'm so happy ​😭​ I literally couldn't ask for better feedback !!!

I actually really like your interpretation of that line about his ex wife !! I left it pretty open so people can hc whatever they want :3c In my personal hc, he really did love her immensely, but he kept hurting her unintentionally by never being around, never giving her what she needed because of his work, etc. ​Just one of those "it wasn't meant to be" relationships. (Also, other random hc, but Nik was here at Price's wedding, he got along really well with his ex wife, but everything about it broke his fucking heart over and over again. Oops 💔)

And I'm so glad you pointed out the banters during the smut scene !! It's my favorite thing to do honestly !! To me, sex scenes don't have to be so serious all the time, I like when characters communicate while it's happening, I like when they're laughing together <3 And these two have so much shared history that it just makes sense to me !!

God, again, thank you so much for this, you really did just make my day Gomz !!!! You're absolutely lovely !!

[naoknowswhat]

I made a Clover sketch tonight, look at him I love him (and i also really like how it turned out wth)

and IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO EXPLAIN HOW MUCH I FUCKING LOVE THIS ITTY BITTY TINY MAN. i would NOT hesitate to die for him in a situation where such methods are needed.

Now before you continue I warn you the following is basically me rambling about how much I fucking love undertale yellow heheheh (Also a lot of spoilers ahead).

I have spent the whole day playing this stupid (fantastic, amazing, marvelous) game, I kid you not that I went from the end of the ruins to the fucking steamworks, which said out loud doesn't sound like a lot of time but uhhh for me it was if you consider that I've investigated EVERY FUCKING INCH OF THE MAP.

I'm not complaining, oh ho ho (merry Xmas) I'm not complaining because its been the most fun I've had playing a game in a WHILE, its made my life better and now im gonna spend the rest of the year (and probably more) obsessed over all the characters and their stories (mostly Clover and Martlet ngl).

But I gotta admit that even if I find the Ut yellow's characters a lot different than the ones from the original game, I can't help but love them the same. Look, I'm no expert on character design but I smile every time I see Martlet comment something or simply being on screen, I start laughing whenever I see a hint of Mo on any frame, heck you mention any of the characters and I immediately start smiling like an idiot, and the whole scene with North Star? The Feisty Five?? CEROBA?? I died, the moment I stepped on the town I fucking died.

I remember being really, REALLY into undertale when I was like 10-11 years old, and suddenly opening yt one day and watching my favourite YouTuber play the demo of this fan game, and i remember thinking "oh wow that game looks really cool!" Simply because of the concept of watching how it was like for any of the other souls to go through the underground, instead of Frisk. AND NOW, YEARS LATER I GET TO PLAY IT BY MYSELF, you don't know how special this game is for me.

For me it isn't only a fan game, or the story of another fallen human, for me it's getting an opportunity to enjoy the main thing that inspired me back the from zero, getting to learn about new characters, about new stories, and new perspectives. For me it's also getting an opportunity to meet them all, to be their "friend" and to live an adventure all by myself because back then i could only sit and watch everyone else do all the things i wanted to do, because back then i could only look at them all having fun, laughing with the good things and crying with the bad memories while separated through a screen.

Today I got to meet them all and to laugh with the unexpected dialogue, while learning that even in a fictional story not everything is painted in bright pink, I saw them get into trouble and also helped them overcome it, and it was amazing.

I also got to die and die and die again and again because I realised at the beginning of the game that I'm really bad at it (i cant blame the controller, I know it :( ), but it also made me promise myself that i would keep going no matter what, because i really wanted to see what's next. Heck you could say I kept going because of my determination ;).

I haven't finished the game yet, but I already know I'm gonna replay it over and over, I wanna catch every detail, investigate and discover every mystery, and i wanna make so many theories already, I CAN'T WAIT TO LOVE THIS GAME.

So for now have a not-so-quick sketch of Clover, the bearer of the yellow soul, the one who has quickly made way into my heart, and it seems the little shit is now living there rent free.

If you've read all the way to the end wth is wrong with you, and also thanks a lot for the attention, I was really excited to talk about this game to someone but didn't know how to do it, so I figured tumblr was the place pla to write for an hour, so the short-drawing post is now my review of the game hehehehe.

Anyway thanks for reading to the very end, I hope you have an amazing rest of the year, and most importantly a great begining of the new one <3.

[diorkyeom]

idk if ur reqs are open or not so think of this as just me sharing a random idea with u for ur thoughts okay? 😭

but anyway i was (re)reading this rly rly good series on ao3 yesterday and this tiny mention of a thing gave me a rly good idea— imagine shua coming to korea just for college and he meets the guys and now has a family and then he graduates and suddenly almost everyone (specially seok) keep being all jumpy and nervous around him and he notices and panics bc did he do smth wrong but then smth dramatic happens (replying on a certain yoon jeonghan for this) and seok breaks down w smth like "u came for college but youve graduated now and we thought u were going back to america 😭😭😭" and then shua is just very exasperatedly fond bc ofc he is and then he goes "im not????? ur my family?????? im not gonna leave???? unless im visiting family ofc!!"

...i make no sense im sorry

(also this is seoksoo purely bc im talking to the biggest seoksoo fan out there lol this would make more sense if it involved hao or junnie maybe?)

OH MY GODDDDDD SORRY FOR IGNORING THIS PLS I DIDN'T EVEN REALISE I HAD ANY ASKS ON THIS BLOG 😭😭😭

also stop. i literally love this idea SO MUCH?? i ended up rambling a bit too much whilst talking out this plot so uhhh it's all under the read more:

seok getting all panicky about the idea of joshua leaving so during the summer after their graduation, he hatches a plan to get joshua to not leave, and recruits the rest of their group to try and subtly provide him with reasons to stay.

and they're all a bunch of well meaning idiots joshua obviously realises they're all acting weird (esp seokmin who clings to him like a limpet on some days and practically bolts away from him on others) so he draws the wrong conclusion that the kids want him to leave :(( ofc being besties with jeonghan, he tells him all of these fears and the entire time jeonghan is just internally going lee seokmin you fucking messed up SO BAD

but being the little shit he is, he doesn't clear up Anything for joshua and just goes "i getchu my guy 😔😔" leaving josh feeling even more confused than before. then he hatches his own plan to retaliate (bc not only will he not clean up drama, he'll do his best to create MORE) and tells seokmin that the plan wasn't working and joshua is still thinking of leaving 💔 which is obviously a lie but seokmin is beside himself with fear, and jeonghan tells him very seriously that he thinks seokmin has to pull out the big guns and finally confess

seokmin doesn't even stop to consider how that makes any sense. he just nods seriously and finds joshua and tells him that he doesn't want him 2 leave bc he likes joshua A Lot and he promises that he'll be able to make him happy so long as joshua gives him a chance :<

it's all very sweet and joshua is so touched but he's also really confused bc?? he never said he was going to leave???? and so seokmin's misunderstanding and jeonghan's meddling comes to light but it's all okay bc joshua likes seokmin a lot too and he's gonna stay in korea for a vv long time :3

[dolldefaced]

read the recent stuff and i want to ramble about jason, bc really the rest of this plot was goofy. i appreciated the brief duke + tim stuff tho, cutee i missed u duke hiiii byeeee anyway

we start batman/catwoman: the gotham war the scorched earth #1 with bruce brushing off what he did to jason

at least it's getting better but like there's a fuckton of daily non vigilante activities that jump your adrenaline, you know, like running last issue?

GET HIS ASS JASON GET HIIIIIM!! NEVER LET HIM LIVE THIS DOWN!!!!!!

and HE STILL JUSTIFIES IT jesus

not jason but i think this exchange with zur is interesting because...bruce brushes him off. there is no indication zur is doing anything to him rn.

he's also not as freaked as he was in earlier issues. now these issues have the tone and pacing consistency of the weather in my hometown (none), but we will return to this

jason grabs the batplane and once again saves the fucking day even under the Fear tm. he blows up the meteor and does not die, despite the 5 second fakeout

jason babe literally you do not need to do this. jason's too good you should push him in at this point. comforting him after selina decided to have a 5 minute death....ilu :(

zur ofc could be lying his ass off (but also bruce made zur) and idk if that's the route they're gonna go later but.... honestly i don't think it's 100% zur. i dont think it was ever 100% zur. i think it's 50/50 at max, and maybe even way less in this moment.

also it's been two weeks and there's no indication he's apologized to jason or tried to fix what he did

also dick almost beat him the fuck up and now he's like 'im sure you had your reasons'

beat him again!!! don't say this shit!!! you were right the first time.

he still thinks what he did to jason was right imo!!! and i also read this like...he's saying he's not an example bc of how he is a vigilante...ignoring that the second time he met jason, jason was doing a vigilantism on the ma gunn gang without batman at all...girl it aint about you. the reason you suck is your control issues, not the helping people part, do more of the latter and way less of the former

also read that first bubble! he's justifying it! he's not apologizing!! also no they dont need you going off being fucking wild. dick LITERALLY just offered to help your ass. jesus.

unrelated to jason:

stop making the batfam nuclear. jesus. they dont need a mommy!!!!!!! they dont need 'parents'!!! SOME OF THEM EVEN STILL HAVE THEIR OWN GODDAMN PARENTS. fuck off!!!!!!!!

you can be a family without the nuclear core open your fucking eyes dc!!!!

ending thoughts:

idk i think if dc lets a writer actually go into the crux of bruce being the major problem rn i will enjoy it, because i like fucked up messy family dynamics, but i really don't want this brushed aside like the multitude of other fucked up things bruce has done. history, however, is not on my side. i suspect there will be something big at the end of all this, resulting in another big team up where we dont talk about shit :/ pretty please prove me wrong dc <3

[cupoftaae]

Forever And A Day (KTH x READER) series ♡ sunrise in versailles (part 3) (chapter 15)

Summary: your lifelong friend is forced to face his true feelings for you once he breaks the number one rule of becoming friends with benefits: dont fall in love. He knows he loves you, but you on the other hand need more convincing of the most important thing: the right decision.

Genre: fwb. Roommates, friends to idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, smut, the whole 9 yards tbh.

Pairing: taehyung x female!reader

rating: 18+ (minors dni!!!)

word count- 5k

warnings- swearing, fighting (waaa), emotional distress, mentions of miscarriage, lots of sad shit tbh. I think this is all? lmk.

a/n-Hi m'loves, I hope ur all doing well and having a good summer so far!! I will update the main masterlist asap so all of the chapters are easily accessible through pinned post on my page! -Nini

"so....he's saying that it just happened and there wasn't necessarily any reasoning behind it. Its normal....its not your fault." Taehyung whispered, translating the english speaking doctor's words into Korean as you remained seating in a hospital bed.

No reasoning? normal?

You would scoff if you had the energy.

Instead, you just blinked a few times in understanding, putting your head back and looking up at the obnoxiously bright lights in the room. Really- they werent comforting in the slightest.

The doctor kept speaking to Taehyung, who then would refer to you, "they are....gonna give you medicine to help pass any, um, tissue? left inside..." his voice was thick, slicked with grief as he tried to explain everything.

After they handed you a few papers and pamphlets, they passed a bottle of pain reliever and extra medication into your hands, then pushed you out of the clinic, as if nothing happened, or if anything changed.

The car ride back to the hotel was quiet, you refused to even hold Taehyungs hand, which, yeah...you felt bad for shutting him out, because you know he was hurting just as much as you were, however you wanted to just process it by yourself. It perhaps was selfish to do so, but you didnt want to talk about it.

even with him.

"maybe its a good idea to look into a flight back home...?" he whispered, hand on your lower back as you walk back into the room. You winced before crawling onto the bed, hugging a pillow.

"no....." you mumbled, closing your eyes. The thought of going on a 12 hour plane ride in this condition made you queasy. You just wanted to lay in bed for the next few days to recover.

He put the stuff down and stood in front of the bed, looking down at his feet as his mind rambled of ways to help. "are you hungry?"

You shook your head.

"thirsty? You should probably have some water......do you want me to run you a bath-?"

"taehyung!" you looked over at him, he was taken back for a moment upon hearing your voice, the loudest you've spoken since the miscarriage began. "I want to be left alone, I dont need anything"

He frowned, "but you-"

"but nothing" you sighed, resting your head back down. You swallowed any trace of sadness in your voice, any signal you were ready to break down. "I just....I want to sleep."

"okay" he nodded, upset at your dismissive behavior. All he wanted was to hold you in this moment, for you two to mourn together so you can heal, and you were practically pretending he didnt exist.

He grabbed his cellphone and calmly left the room, walking out to clear his head. The weather was now much sunnier, air was hot but nice. He wondered what adventure you both would be up to right now if this never happened.

Reluctantly, he began to ring up his mother to discuss whats going on, knowing that you will probably be mad for doing it without you, but he needed someone to talk to so desperately.

"mom...." he whispered when the ringing on the other line stopped, signaling someone picked up.

"Taehyung? whats wrong?" her voice was groggy, He suddenly remembered that it was really late over in Busan, and she was most likely asleep.

"im sorry for calling so late" he mumbled, "I just really need to talk to you"

"what is it?" her voice was more awake now, obvious curiosity and panic.

He sighed, taking a breath as he looked around at the people walking down the street. "Y/N....this morning, she had a miscarriage." he swallowed roughly, feeling the familiar lump in his throat. "we just got back to the room after going to the clinic, shes okay, but she wont talk to me...and I know this doesnt concern you in the slightest, you were upset to begin with, but....im hurting mom." his voice cracked at the last sentence, face hiding into his arm.

He heard a stilling of breath on the other line.

Taehyungs mother wasnt all too pleased to hear you both were expecting a child together, but she never wished for something like this to happen, it was heartbreaking.

"ah my son... im terribly sorry my dear." she exhaled, "its okay to cry, its okay to be upset, you know?"

He sniffed, wiping his eyes with the collar of his shirt, "yeah but, I just wanna be with her and shes getting mad at me"

"Its a difficult situation, She is hurting just like you maybe even more, and she needs space....she will come around okay? where is she? where are you? did they specify what caused it?"

"im outside of our hotel, sitting on a bench, she doesnt want me in the room....and shes okay, they gave her medicine and stuff but they said it was natural, like nothing inflicted it or caused it"

She nodded on the other line "okay...maybe you both should come home. I know you worked hard to be there right now but if shes sick you guys need to be close to us. I will make some meals and bring them over so she doesnt have to cook, or you can just stay with us, whatever you two decide."

He brushed his hair with his fingers, listening to his mothers soft soothing tone, one he wasn't particularly used to hearing too often. "I asked her if we should go back and she said no"

"she wants to stay in a foreign country during this? what if something else happens?"

"I dont think she wants to deal with the plane ride" he sighed

"thats understandable, but she can just sleep the entire time, then i'll order a cab to our house straight from the airport, how does that sound?"

"I'll try to talk to her again about it, I just want her to be okay"

"she will be okay, but these things take time. She may not act like she needs you there with her but she does, go back to the room okay?"

"okay....thank you, I'll text you after, love you..." he mumbled, grateful that for once, his mother was supportive in such a time of pain.

-

"you showered?" he asked, walking back into the room as he saw you on the floor, looking out the large window by the bed. Your long wet hair gently dripping to the carpet below you.

"mhm" your eyes stayed glued to the city, watching cars drive around as the sun began to say its goodbyes, setting beautifully and coating the sky with a purple and orange tint.

His eyes looked down to the pillow in your lap, you squeezed it tightly.

"how...uh, how are you feeling physically?"

"mm" you shrugged, finally turning back to look at him. You were pale, and you looked exhausted. The dark bags under your eyes didnt lie. "im managing"

"you dont have to manage alone" he whispered, sitting beside you.

"taehyung..."

"y/n"

You looked at him as he sat on the carpet next to you, your body tightening up once more.

"why wont you let me be here for you?" he whispered, eyes directly on yours as he tilted his head. Taehyung didnt want to come off as aggressive or forceful.

You shook your head, eyes darting out the window once more. "I dont wanna talk about it"

"why no-"

"because it fucking kills me!" you cried out, covering your face, "it hasnt even been a day, im processing it, it doesnt feel real and I just..."

He looked at you, his own expression softening as he felt his stomach churn.

"I just wish it never happened" you choke out in a faint whisper

"I know baby, I know...." he mumbled, slowly bringing his arm to yours, pulling you into his lap. "me too, this is awful, I know it is, and I know I will never understand how you feel....but im hurting too. lets process this together? please?" his fingers laced through your hair as you softly cried, you could feel the exhaustion and emotion seeping through every ounce of your body. "I think we should just go home..."

"but you worked so hard to be here....we arent going..."

Taehyung sighed, "its not important. I...I called my mom and explained the situation, shes offering us a room at the house, she will cook for us and everything, allow you time to heal, and-"

You stopped crying, climbing off his lap and looking at him as if he slapped you in the face. "you called your mom? why? what?"

"I know, im sorry, I shouldve asked you if it was okay-"

"yeah you should have" you wiped your nose and stood up, huffing and tossing the pillow back onto the bed. "thats so....you dont need to go telling everyone. Not to mention she gave me shit when she found out I was pregnant, and now she wants to be all supportive? bull fucking shit"

He was taken back at your sudden outburst, he rose to his feet and turned to you "baby, hey, I know my parents arent the best but they are offering support right now, put all the fighting aside, she knows your hurting and is just trying to be nice"

"I dont care, I refuse to let her do that, especially given the fucking comments she through at me" you ran your hands through your hair. "I mean, shit, taehyung, my own mom didnt know I was pregnant yet and now I have to tell her I already miscarried?" you sighed "this is a lot on me! this is a lot mentally, and you cant just go telling people, im embarrassed"

"you shouldnt be"

"I am, I dont really want to be coddled or get sympathy calls and texts from people, I just want to be alone, and to be honest, I am really fucking mad at you right now"

He raised his brow, he was upset at your behavior but tried to understand the situation from your point of view. "okay..." he exhaled, "I get it, I know, and im sorry"

You threw your phone across the room, walking into the bathroom and shutting the door.

Taehyung felt lost, his attempt of helping seemed to only make shit worse for the both of you. How was one person supposed to navigate or fix the said situation? you wanted help, but you refused it.

He didnt want to leave again, but he grabbed his coat and walked out once more, this time it was to sit on the fire escape stairs out near the balcony.

It felt like hours, he cried, watching cars drive around. It was selfish, but he wished he was one of those people.

he wished he was away, he wished you and him were doing what you had originally planned for the day instead of this.

His heart was in his throat as it suddenly hit him, the loss of the child he had learned to grow so fond of. Taehyung had not known them for very long, but oh, he fell in love at the first heartbeat, the first sonogram that still sat in his wallet at this very moment.

He was in love the moment he walked into his bedroom and saw it as a nursery for the first time, eager to push everything out just so he can decorate it 7 months early.

The moment he saw your bump beginning to form, snapping photos left and right. The moments of holding your hair back so you didnt get vomit in it during your morning sickness days. The moments of him talking to your stomach late at night when you pretended to be asleep and watch.

Taehyung would whisper his fears but righten them as promises of love and nothing less. the role of a father.

It seemed so scary at first, but as he settled into it, the idea became somewhat comforting, at least knowing he wasnt alone.

But now what?

Where do you even start to pick up the pieces of loss of a life you never even got to taste?

Everything that was finally looking up was ripped away in a matter of moments. He was angry at the world, angry at himself, angry at the innocent people walking around below...but he wasnt angry at you, no matter how much you deflect his compassion.

He tossed his cigarette and began to look up at the stars, trying to mentally keep track of the number of them. It was something to distract his brain, it was something to do other than feel pathetic.

The slider door to the balcony slowly opened, presenting you tightly wrapped in a robe as your hair was now thrown into a pony tail.

Taehyung waved his hand, too afraid to speak up.

"I just got off the phone"

He nodded, looking over.

"with my mom" you exhale

"oh?" Taehyung sat up quickly as you walked over, sitting beside him.

"yeah" you whisper, of course you had been crying, there was no way to hide it. "I told her everything, mine as well not wait"

He nodded, unsure of how to react

Its quite for a moment, the overwhelming tension between you both choking you as the night sky blanketed the city, the air thick with love and grief.

"are you okay?" he whispered

"yes...or, will be anyways" you sniff, taking a deep breath and allowing your lungs to receive a moment of calmness for the first time today. "are you?"

He shrugged, looking at you. "mad..." he murmured, watching his heel continue to dig into the cigar that was already on the ground.

"mad?" you whisper

"yeah, mad."

"why?"

"because..." it was his turn to cry, his fists bunching up his white shirt. "I left you, I fucking left you while it happened."

You frown, watching his eyes look anywhere but your own. "My love...whether you were in the room or not, it still wouldve happened"

"At least you wouldnt have been alone..." he choked, "I keep getting images of how scary it mustve been, and how you kept calling me and I was just...not there"

You wiped your eyes, scooting closer to him.

"so fucking dumb, im so stupid. I hate everyone and im mad. Im angry, its not fair" he mumbled

You were unsure of what to say to him, opting to pull him into your arms as you embraced eachother.

"where were you anyways...?"

He sniffed, whispering lowly "I went to get you flowers, and breakfast" his cheeks were slightly red. "just my luck, I do something nice and the world spits in my face"

You couldnt help the small smile that found its way onto your lips, "well thats very sweet...."

"doesnt matter. it was dumb and I shouldnt have left you"

"you cant blame yourself for this" you look at him, turning his head so he sees you. "we need to stop blaming ourselves. This is going to take a while to recover from, and we gotta realize that now more than ever." you whisper, pressing your forehead to his.

He nodded, lifting slightly to kiss you delicately.

Taehyung held both of your hands as he rested his head on your shoulder.

"Im going home"

He sniffed, "you are? I think thats good, we dont have to stay at my moms house, I understand how awkward that might be for you, and it was my wrong doing to just go and talk behind your back. We can just go back to the apartment okay?"

You shake your head slowly, "no, Tae, home...Gwangju." you spoke into his ear gently, your hand running circles on his back. "I need to see my mom, I need time to recover, and to be honest, I need to recover from a lot more than just this one thing...."

He sat away, looking at you. "Gwangju?"

"yeah. Ive been thinking about going back for a while, remember? my mom isnt getting any younger and she still has troubles with her back. She wasnt doing too well when we visited. I need to be with my mom to help her, and so she can help me with everything Ive been dealing with, which....is a lot." you exhale, trying to offer a small laugh to lighten the mood. "she misses me too, all the time"

His face was contorted, mind racing. "well...okay..." he nodded slowly, "thats fine...when do we leave?"

You bit your bottom lip and looked at him, "not we, just me tae..."

Taehyung frowned, "what do you mean? you....are leaving without me?" his voice was thick with emotion as the realness of the sudden situation sunk in.

"yeah...not for long, I promise, I just need time-"

"what are you talking about?" he chokes out, standing up and looking down at you. "I offered to take you back home so we can recover and rest, I offered you anything I could, and you refused, now suddenly you are hot and eager to hop on a plane to Gwangju to....get away from me?"

"its not like that"

"then please explain what it is like because it seems as if life isnt the problem, its me"

You roll your eyes slightly, "stop jumping to conclusions, you know first hand how bad the past months have been, between kaito, the pregnancy, school, work and the drama with you and I. I lost all my friends, I switched to online classes just for the situation, I have to manage everything, all of my shit including yours"

"What do you mean?"

"its just a lot, tae, I am only one person. I love you, I really do, and I wish you would calm down so I can explain."

He sits, face in his hands.

"Listen" you begin "everything is just a lot right now, this...loss..." you whisper "it was the sole decider for me to make the move to go back home for a while. I need to fix some shit, because im not the best person, and I need to be away from people"

"you sound so crazy"

You scoff, looking at him, "crazy?"

"yeah, crazy. so what? we break up? you know, couples dont just leave or abandon eachother when something bad happens, you turn to them when you need support, just as we done with everything else so far." he tries to plead with you, hands trembling a bit. "I know its a lot for you, I know your body is tired physically and mentally, and I can only imagine how the past 24 hours have been, but....you do realize that I am hurting as well? this doesnt just involve you, it was my baby too?"

You sink into your seat, sighing as you shake your head, "obviously I know that"

"then why are you acting like its only your problem?" he winced, "we....we are missing out on so many experiences. we will never get to hold or see that baby ever, you think that doesnt rip my fucking heart out y/n??" his voice wavered, now slightly louder as he tried to get you to see his side. "this is so selfish, you are being so selfish"

You felt tears seep into your eyes, quickly getting up so he doest see your reaction as you open the slider, feet guiding you back into the cold hotel room.

"yeah run away" he scoffs, tears streaming down his face as he attempts to follow you, tossing his jacket to the floor in rage.

"where will I be? where do I go?" he yelled, watching you silently search the closet as you rip clothes out, tossing them to the bed.

When you dont respond, he grows more upset and desperate. "so fuck me then? right? because my feelings on this dont matter?" he cried, standing at the door and watching you. "please tell me what ive done, what ive said, to make you feel like you cant talk or confide in me? why is there no comfort between us? what the fuck happened?"

Tears freely fell as you aggressively threw your suitcase together, you heard his words sink into your blood, your own emotions tugging at your heart as you tried to convince yourself you were capable of making your own choices. "its not a break up, its just some time away from everything, I will come back" you spoke, teeth gritted.

"you are being so selfish y/n" he shook his head in disbelief, "why am I not enough to help? why cant we both go to your moms?"

"because im tired!!" you yell, throwing the shoes in your hands.

He laughed, eyes scanning over you "you are tired? from what? ....oh I get it, me giving you every limb I have, spending my time and money on you must be so exhausting. Im just the fucking worst huh? Jesus, y/n, you are acting like I fucking punched you" he spit

You glared at him, pinching your thigh as he referred to Kaito "Im tired of drama following me everywhere I go. I never fucking asked you to give me anything, ever, at all." you whisper, eyes sinking into his. "How dare you say that to me....." you grew angry at your voice wavering "this was a mistake"

His eyes widened, "a mistake..?"

"yeah..." you scoff "a mistake, clearly the biggest one ive made" you were quick to wipe your eyes. "we should have stayed just friends, you feeling forced to provide and love me just because of the baby is pathetic. You dont have to worry about it anymore anyways, asshole" you spit, turning around.

He felt like he had gotten stabbed in the chest, his breath leaving his lungs as you sat there and accused him of not only not loving you, but the child. "y/n, you know nothing...you have no idea what you are saying"

"oh but I do"

"you are angry, and thats why you said that, I really hope thats the case...because what you just accused me of...." his voice was tight and shallow. "how can you say I only stayed because of the baby....who, by the way, I was willing to give up everything for"

"you felt compelled to, you dont have to lie anymore"

His tears continued to fall, he was shocked at your words. "y/n I love you and that baby more than anything....why are you saying this?"

He regretted yelling, and perhaps he said words that dug deeper than he meant them too, however what you threw back at him was worse than any conversation prior.

"Yeah well I dont even know if the baby was yours or Kaitos so It literally doesnt matter" you threw clothes into your bag "its gone anyways" you sobbed, "so just go on and do whatever the fuck you were doing before I pulled you down with me, okay?"

Taehyung gasped softly, eyes widening as he watched you.

You knew it was wrong, you regretted saying it as soon as it left your mouth, but you couldn't go back on it, not anymore.

"you....you dont?"

You didnt reply, instead, picking the pace up as you gathered your things.

"baby....baby talk to me this isnt funny anymore" he ran over to you, desperately seeking your attention. "look....i...I dont care if it was mine or not, I wouldnt have treated them any differently, baby please listen to me, its okay"

"taehyung I have to go" you whispered

"no..please my love, why are you....what did I do? im sorry...im sorry" he grasped your hand and fell onto his knee

"stop" you choked out, looking at him with tears in your eyes. "listen...Its not forever, just give me some space....please"

"why...this is so...." he whispered, crying as he looked up at you, "please think this through. let me come with you-"

"taehyung....look at me, Im not breaking up with you, I just need space, and if you wont let me do that..." you shrug, "then what are we doing here?"

He looks down at his hands

"thank you, okay? thank you for giving me all of this, and Im sorry it didnt work out, but we need to have time away so we can come back stronger, okay?" you choked out before going back to what you were doing.

Taehyung at some point in the conversation gave up at trying to convince you to stay, he realized his words were no longer effective, and you were gonna walk away from him no matter what he said.

He felt your grip loosen, specifically within the past few weeks. You were slowly slipping away and he knew it, but he didnt want to think it was anything you two couldnt fix, he needed you just as much as you needed him.

He knew he would wait, and if you left and needed space, then he would let you do so.

"fine..." he whispered, feeling one hundred percent defeated as his eyes watched you gather your things. "w-when....are you leaving?"

you sniffed, "tomorrow morning"

"i'll go with you to the airport" he said quickly, making your grasp on your bag tighten.

"okay" you mumbled.

Its not that you didnt love Kim Taehyung, its that you loved him too much to be wrapped in this drama with him all the time. Things will be well for a while then something happens, something always happens, and its not fair.

to either of you.

You regretted saying the baby thing the moment it came out of your mouth, but you were always bad at dealing with emotions. After some time alone with your mom you would need to do some major damage control.

You only wanted 2 weeks alone, its not like you were leaving for 2 years, why was he being so stubborn about this?

It was a fairly quite car trip at 6am the next morning to the airport.

The grey clouds that toppled over you set the tone of the day for taehyung as he parked among the cars in the lot. The last time you two were at this airport was when you arrived here, hopes high for not only the trip, but a positive change in eachothers future.

one that never came.

he walked you inside all the way to your gate, watching as crowds of people gathered nearby.

"well...." he whispered, watching the way his feet scuffed the floor beneath him.

"well..." you repeated, turning to look at him. "its only a few weeks"

Taehyung nodded, repeating the extent in his brain like it would reassure him.

"we will come out of this as better people" you mumbled, reaching up to hug his tightly, hands finding the familiar pattern of running down his back, squeezing him.

"I hope" he exhaled, hugging you just as tight.

Once you pulled away, your faces close together, you looked into his eyes and took every ounce within you to avoid tearing up. Before bed last night, you both discussed the properties of this situation, and what exactly it would entail. You apologized for your words, as did he, and now here you both were at the end of the terminal waiting for your plane to be called so you can head back to korea without him.

"about the baby...." you whispered, looking at him

"I know...you dont have to apologize again. y/n, I dont care who's it was, I honestly dont. nothing would have led me away from you" he reassured, "I just want to make sure you will be okay on the flight"

You nod slowly, "i will be fine, moms picking me up when I land so..."

"good, thats good"

"yup, and i'll text you when im at home okay?" you spoke

"got it"

"you'll wait for me?"

"i'll wait for you" he whispered, kissing your forehead.

"even if im the most awful person?"

Tae laughed softly "you arent, but even if you were, yes"

You nod sadly, finally allowing the tears to spill as he immediately hugged you close to his chest again. its not a goodbye, its a "see you later", right?

"dont cry...this is what you wanted"

You pull back, wiping your eyes "yeah...yeah"

The speaker above your heads announced boarding for your plane. Grabbing the tickets from your bag, you looked at taehyung once more and smiled weakly, "i'll see you, okay?"

He smiled, nodding "i'll be there when you need me" please need me

You waved, quickly turning so he wouldn't see you crying again as you made your way down the tunnel, your body now hidden behind the herd of other passengers.

"love you" he whispered to himself, stuffing his hands into his pockets as he realized his current state, alone.

He hasnt been alone in months, and it provided a certain uncomfy feeling that ran through his body, almost disturbing. He knew he would be returning to the hotel and packing so he could visit his own mother and father back in Busan. Explaining that situation to them will be its own event.

How could something so sweet and beautiful always find its way to trash? to devastation? it was what you two thrived on, and perhaps time apart was needed after all.

He would wait for you

He would wait for your laugh, your eyes, the way you whispered, the way you nagged him over being messy, or how you fussed when he forgot to eat again.

But....how long exactly would he do so?

taglist-

@turnthepageandbeburnt @taebangtanbabe @borahaexoxo @lelefoodlover @tan-veee

[nishloves]

hey nish, so here is my ask for the match. thank you again, hope its not a bother!

i am an intj and more of an introvert. i can adapt well depending on my interlocutors and can be really shy as well as extremely outgoing. i love staying outside in the comfort of my house but also like hanging out with my friends even if i loose my energy pretty quickly. i am usually described as someone with a rather calm aura but the moment im really comfortable i am rather crazy lmao. i tend to lose focus quickly, ramble a lot (and forget to whom i said what) and can’t see for shit. i am a lazy perfectionist who hates things being done incorrectly but i want them being done quickly. i can be seen as arrogant but im a huge overthinker. I hate showing my feelings and have a hard time accepting my failures. since im always the youngest in my different friend groups, people tend to baby me which is really advantageous.

regarding my hobbies, i do ballet and modern jazz for more than fifteen years and it’s an art and sport that i am really dedicated to, creating choreographies and being kind of a scary mentor when i want to even if i like being like a big sister » so the youngest (im one of the oldest now). i also used to play tennis but outside those sports, i hate physical activities. i love manual activities such as making jewelleries, embroidery, crochet, drawing silly doodles and painting (even if i can’t wait until it is completely dry). i like reading (esp criminal novels) and love animes (my fav are haikyuu, hxh, fullmetal alchemist and bsd). id like to watch kdrama but i dont have enough time and can’t stay focused for so long anyways.

i am a sucker for light and dark academia and you’ll find me most of the time with velvet pants or oversize jeans and a pullover. finally, if i had to choose only five svt songs, it’d be 24h, home run, i don’t know, fallin’ flowers and hot.

thank you so much, i hope i didn’t ramble too much. love you!

hehe not at all! i loved reading all of it <3

when I read intj, i immediately thought about jun/hao/wonwoo but when I read it further, i thought that you might suit joshua more. but!!! when I read about the ballet portion, i just couldn't help thinking about dino!

so i match you with, wonwoo!

he is one of the most considerate individuals I've ever seen, he would be able to differentiate between your moods and energy levels and take care of you whenever you're out; it's like— he can just understand if you're drained or anything and would politely excuse you both from the gathering if he feels as if you're getting overwhelmed.

he would keep you grounded— scold you when you're wrong and empathise with you when you just want to rant. kind of like a very sturdy shoulder to cry on and your biggest motivation for any project.

he would absolutely love your calm-crazy dynamic, he loves it whenever you're so happy that your calm demeanor of an intj morphs into something more childlike and adorable. he also likes the fact that you have "maknae" tendencies, and would absolutely adore it.

he's not a perfectionist per se, but he has friends who are and rest assured that he will do his absolute best to help you take a break/ break your overthinking thoughts and help you get rational again. (vice versa)

you'd think that having a few hobbies to share might be a problem but it actually isn't; wonwoo is very happy whenever you're doing what you love and it makes him want to engage in your hobby with you. you both push each other to step out of your comfort zones and try out different things <3

and god, if you ever make him a bracelet, or crochet a small keyring for him, he's gonna treasure it; I think he might cry in secret too 😭

he also likes the fact that you don't like physical activities because then he doesn't have to do it, you both would probably spend your days cuddling or trying out each other's hobbies or cheering each other on!

he would be your biggest hypeman for your ballet and jazz music <3

[hana-akari]

It was a miracle Sakura managed to make it home in the condition she was in. It did help that she didn’t start going downhill until she was midway home. She knew something was wrong fairly quickly and tried to make it home before things got really bad. Just barely making it to Sasori’s room before she started gargling up things. It would have been bad if she just collapsed in the living room while he was sleeping. There would have been a chance he wouldn’t have heard her hit the ground.

Thank god the kids weren’t around to witness this.

It would probably be pretty traumatizing to see their mother in such a state.

“Turned down dat bastard’s love confession… Tolds ‘im thats am in love wit someone else… Why men like diisss? He acted like he was gonna respects me… Piss baby. Always knew he was ah pussy. Bah…” Sakura rambled on the best she could about the events that lead up to this, “I’ms gonna rip his spine out his mouf…” It would have been a terrifying threat if Sakura wasn’t slurring and foaming at the mouth.

She whined as he pushed her up into a sitting position, making the world spin around her. As soon as her back rested on the headboard, she had to quickly hunch over the side of the bed to puke up a sickly red and purple substance. Probably a mix of her insides and whatever poison she was given, “Sowwee… I’ll cleans it ups.” Sakura clearly had enough faith in his abilities to believe she’ll be able to walk this off. She trusted him enough to know he wouldn’t let her die. Not because he doesn’t want to be a single father but she was so sure he had some fondness for her. At least she hoped he did. Maybe not at the level of fondness she had for him.

“Mmf!”

Sakura didn’t really have time to respond before he was stuffing something into her mouth and forcing her to swallow it. He was right. It tasted like absolute shit. She wanted to gag it up but the numbing agent prevented her from doing so. As soon as it hit her system, it felt like her body suddenly burst into flames. Everything just burned making her let out a small cry and hunch forward. Her Byakugou Seal activated, drawing dark purple lines down her body as it attempted to heal the damage her body was going through. The two poisons were counteracting each other, just like Sasori planned, it just didn’t make what she was going through any less miserable.

“Whys I’ms bein’ punished for now likin’ someone back…? Whys do men hates me? Da kids aren’t allowed to date evers…” That included their son in case he ended up attracted to men too.

Sakura’s breathing was becoming a little less wheezed, meaning she was healing. Blindly she reached out for him, managing to grab Sasori’s shirt. She lifted her head weakly. Blood and purple liquid had leaked out of her mouth, nose, and even started rolling out of her eyes. She just looked awful. Whatever she was given was bad, and the intent was for her to die a miserable death, or at the very least suffer. Which she was doing a lot of at the moment,

“Cans Daddy holds meh? Your doll don’t feels so goods…” Even with how sick she was, she still had enough energy to be flirty with him and call him by the nickname she called him behind closed doors. It came from a place of affection and the need for kind physical touch.

I finks I loves you.

Sasori chuckled. He wasn't laughing at Sakura because she thought she loved someone like him. Sure, they had children together, but he didn't believe there was love between them—maybe a platonic, hypothetical love over being parents. Thinking about it, he wouldn't describe his feelings towards Sakura as "love", but more like appreciation for being a great mother to his son and daughter. And no, he didn't think her trash, either.

His intellection was interrupted when Sakura mentioned she had been given the unknown liquid, and by a coworker. Now, that was very different from drinking it herself. He was glad for it since he had been having a hard time believing she would drink questionable fluids as an adult woman.

"A coworker?" Sasori inquired. However, it was very obvious Sakura was in no condition to explain as she complained about her kidneys and liver failing. That was not good. If it was true a coworker poisoned her, this wasn't a lame attempt at a joke but a murder attempt. Oh, hell no. Not his baby mama! "God fuckin' damn it!" So much for his nap. He never got a break in this fucking house.

Sasori finally got up, nudging Sakura into a seated position. "Stay up, Sakura. Don't lie down. You're bleedin' internally n' you'll drown in your own blood if ya down." To be safe, he positioned her with her back against the bed frame so if she did slump over, it would be forwards and not backwards. He was going to have to make an antidote. The issue was he created poisons; he didn't cure them! Plus, he had no idea what she was poisoned with. He could only guess by her symptoms.

So, he fetched a suitcase from underneath his bed and opened it up, revealing the inside to be filled with ingredients he used to make poisons. He didn't have anything to make a cure. However, he could make a stronger poison to counteract the poison in her system and trigger her antibodies. Like using snake venom to make an anti-venom.

Based on her symptoms--internal bleeding and organ failure--he jerry-rigged a quick concoction together by mashing ingredients in a mortar and pestle, making a paste. He didn't have time to boil it down into a liquid to inject, so it'd have to do.

"Sheila, open your mouth. This may taste like shit." He scrapped the paste onto his fingers and didn't wait before stuffing it into her mouth. He had put in a numbing agent in it, so she couldn't puke it back up.

Now, they just had to wait and see if it worked.

[the-acid-pear]

cruel and fucked up world where pretty little boys (me) have to do homework when all they want to do is think about problematic fictional males 🙄